Anyway, when I was this shitty teenager, I had planned out my suicide. I was already a burner (as opposed to cutter, knives freak me out) and I was miserable enough to take it a step farther. I didn't. Obviously. The reason is, somehow I ended up at my aunt and uncle's house over the summer babysitting their three kids. This got me out of my miserable situation, it gave me someone to talk to about whatever I wanted (my aunt) and it gave me something to focus my attention on. I spent several summers with them and I was happy there. The school years were misery, though, and I almost did not make it through my last one with my step-dad. I begged and pleaded with my mom to let me live with my aunt and uncle full time, and she finally granted my wish. Shortly after, she moved to the same town as my aunt and uncle, divorced my step-dad, and I moved back in with her. I'm sorry to say this wasn't the end to my shittiness, but it was, in general, the end to my misery and suicidal tendencies.
There is a point to all of this, I promise you. Fast forward ten or so years and here I am typing away angrily at my keyboard. This is because I know personally that even shitty teenagers can turn out fine, I am a testament to this. I have a degree, I like the work I do when I am employed in work relating to my degree, I have a large amount of freedom, and I travel several times a year. I consider myself a success, but I still remember my shitty teenage days and how miserable they were. The reason I bring this up is because I find myself involved from a short distance in a similar situation. My cousin is a bit of a shitty teenager. He feels miserable, suicidal, and he's attempted to run away. He feels like his (adopted) father has taken away his mother, and to a large degree that's true, but he also feels that this father has ruined his life. I'm sure there are many more factors and I'm just as sure that I can predict what all or most of them are.
Today this cousin has found himself in the hospital because the cops think he is suicidal. This happened after he ran away and his father tried to bring him back several times. All of my family thinks that he needs to be hospitalized, he needs help (I assume in the form of doctors, psychiatrists, and medicine), etc. I think they have it wrong. I think he needs a complete change of scene. If he's a shitty teenager in the same way that I was, he is going to reject all of these because he doesn't want them. He just desperately wants to get away, no matter what the method of that escape is. I'm angry because I encountered this same thinking when I was his age and it was not helpful, to say the least. I feel that when adults begin to have teenaged kids, they forget what it was like to be teenagers, or maybe they don't have comparable experiences to help them in dealing with these kids. These adults all more-or-less had great childhoods. I didn't. My cousin didn't have a great childhood either. So the adults treat their problem teenager with fear and drugs while what they really need is something else. A change of scene, maybe more focused attention on them, stuff like that. It sucks to feel like you are on the back burner, but when you are around someone that gives you a lot of attention and listens to you and actively appreciates you, it's so different. I'm pissed because these adults don't understand and think that hospitalization will help their teenager feel less rejected, miserable, unloved, etc. I could be wrong, but I don't think it will. I remember what that was like, and I know deep down that these things are the wrong things.
But my mom has already more-or-less rejected the thoughts I've had. Her rejection takes the form of not responding. It's the same sort of silent rejection she gives to people that annoy her. She thinks I'm wrong. But, as I've already mentioned, she doesn't remember my shitty teenager stage. Or maybe she just silently rejected it and moved on, I don't know. My grandma vehemently insists that hospitalization will help because it helped with a different cousin. Those two situations are completely different, and I just as vehemently argued so. She was surprised at the outburst which gave me time to walk away. I'm angry that no one listens. Why is it so hard to believe that letting your kid go stay somewhere completely different will help them? You are not transferring the problem on someone else's shoulders, you are taking the problem away from the teenager. You are not giving up on your kid, you are giving them a chance. It's not like you won't see them again, you can still visit, call, text, whatever, and you should. But I think adults view that as a failure and instead choose other means of controlling their shitty teen. Hormones are complicated, especially teenage ones, but they aren't a problem that you fix with drugs, they are a concoction that balances with time and patience, with catering your response to the teenagers needs, not by doping them up or putting them away. I think more young(ish) adults (I'm 25) should stand up and talk about their shitty teenager years and what helped or hindered their progression through it and then maybe, just maybe these parents will start altering their views and acting towards their teenagers in a more productive way. So tell me about your shitty teenage years, those of you who survived it successfully. Tell me what YOU would recommend for this cousin, what helped YOU.
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